Life Lessons of a Maddened Libertine

I am performing a Satryine Rite the night of December 20th.   Originally, I wanted to do the entire weekend, however, arrangments fell through.  So, on that night, with fireplace and den stacked high with wood, floor and environs covered in leather and fur (pillows included) I am performing a right of masculine indulgence propigated through the filter of the embodiment of male virility, Herne/Cernnunos/Horned One/Green Man what have you.  I have begun brweing the suitable concoctions and trying to attain other things to help shift the participants into a sexual hedonistic and head-trippy excitement to spend a few 10 to 12 hours in gnerating power of male potency and funneling it to set some new power bases for the new yeat. 

No women.  Then again, this is why I posted here and not in other places. 

I have tried to contact some of you, but not too hard, considering that most of you are heterosexual males, and I no longer have possession of a bevy of women upon which for you all to feast.  However, I have no problem with any of you attending, in fact, if you can read this, you are invited, however, I will not feel bad if you choose not to attend, or respond for that matter.  Its more for re-locating and reveling in my own sybaritic nature than anything.  Just wanted to get it out there. 

QOD::What man orgy would be complete without copipous amounts of alcohol, candy and an orgy? 

I mean, in a clarion shout, we the people, elected a Black Man into the most powerful position on Earth.  Not only that, he is a near-Socialist if not  an out-right one; his economic views call for a radical re-distribution of wealth, social healthcare, a global policy of inclusion and discourse.  Yet, and yet, twoof the states who voted for him overwhelmingly also, in the same breath, passed legislation that banned (or in the case of California, re-banned) same-sex marriage (yes, I am aware that the numbers haven't completely finished in California).  I find that idea infuriating. I am not surprised, mind you.  I know better than most, that most ethnic groups are conservative by nature.  If we can just get past the race thing (also welfare, abortion,

I am sick, so sick and tired, of the gays and lesbians, bi and tolerant people in this country continue to support politicians who DO NOT CONCEDED THAT THEY ARE HUMAN!.  I mean, really.  How much longer will the "best of evils" choice will be tolerated?  I pay my taxes as well as anyone.  I was born to two citizens, on American soil, and yet, and yet I am a second-class citizen by default.  Then again, what else can I expect?  Democracy is in and of itself idiotic.  The rule of the mob?  Really?  Hell, they don't even know who or what they are voting for most of the time, how it ties to anything in their lives.  Freedom to most is a concept of able to do what I want. . .but I don't like that so you shouldn't be able to?  

However, I am not pissed off.  I am horribly disappointed. We made huge strides ahead, and still so many more fall behind into the quagmires of lunacy.

Oh well, the Socialization of America comes. 

I know, on a deep level I should be happy.  I am not.  Maybe as time passes I can re-write my own mind.  Better yet, I may come to understand and accept the inevitable change into a totally new America.  The first painful complicated step toward globilization.  It may be extremist, gods know I have been wrong before, but it is what I see.  I may be able to cope with a Socialist America.  Yes, I am very aware that Bush fucked us on so many levels its fucking funny.  But remember, that can't be wielded as an excuse for long.  The common populace doesn't have a memory that long, nor comprehend the monumental task facing Obama.    

Fiscal conservatism is fucking dead.  I have to deal with that.  It is a truth now.  Absolute.

Social conservatism has stagnated.  All of it is nothing more than fans for flames an shutting off reason in followers on both side.

Social Liberalism:  See Social Conservatism above.

Global Politics:  Obama is popular.  However, I cannnot tell if its becuase the jackass is almost gone, they are, for some alien reason, fond of Obama, or if its the glee of untested raw meat.

I am ill at ease.

I am happy.

I am frustrated.

I am at a loss at my place in the world.

I may have to re-work my politcal viewpoint.  Imperalism is no longer remotely possible.  Social dreams can't move for years.  Arrgghhhh.


I wish I could dream.

I miss orgies damnit.


That is all.

Yeah, so here I am again.

Every so often, never for any reason that I have been able to ascertain, I look at groups of my friends and feel, without motives, as an outsider. Like, I don't belong with them. As part of them. As if our views of the world are totally opposing, or something. I can not, for the love of god nor cheese figure out why, but I do.

It is beginning to bother me quite a good bit, considering that when I feel this way, I begin to distance myself, pulling away. Making myself unavailable and aloof, so that I do not want to interfere in their lives and merriment. I feel like a beggar standing outside the halls of aristocrats, not wanted, eliciting only scorn adn derision. It is a strong, cored, unchangable part of my being that I do not venture where I am not wanted or needed. ANd in days like these, I feel that I am, indeed, not.

So, I go away.

I should simply vanish and return to the home of my mother. She needs me. Doesn't want me to though, getting a job and stuff in Frog Pond is a lot more difficult that doing so here. But there, I would only be a burden to the family, who have to take me in. Unlike friends, who should not be burdened by me.

Hunt from there, search here till I find job, then return. Possibly. An idea.

I shall take it under consideration.

Or, I'm not not wanted and am paranoid and in some severe need of affection/attention and indulgent compassion.

But I have no concepts of hwo to accept this, much less ask for it if it is, indeed, the case. I truly do hate being me sometimes.

QoD:: I just want to stop the universe and get off. Is that a crime?

So, my life is changing again. Again. I have no voive in it. No controls over it. Nothing. One of me mates is moving even further away and I can do/say nothing about it. I can fanthom his reasons, his motives and his purpose. All of which I personally believe to be bunk, but understand why he has to pursue. What bothers me about it, is that I feel as if I am being forsaken so that he can hail off and fuck over his life some more. With me not being there to help.

Nor should I be.

But it sucks all the same. Not being as important in someone's life as they are in yours.

And I am in suckage.

List five songs that you currently like. it doesn't matter what
genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any
good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post
these instructions, the artist, and the song in your journal, then
tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

Strong enough Cher
Always on my mind Pet Shop Boys
Dante's Prayer Loreena McKinnet
Coin Operated Boy Dresden Dolls
One More Time Daft Punks

Whew, Thats pretty kewl actually. Alrighty. Tagging. Hell, do i even know five people on this thing?

Nope. Apparently not. But for the ones I do know. . .

felixbloodmoon
gabrial_volt
kyrael
human_shell

TAG!! You are it.

Wedding was incredible. Short, simple, beautiful/ I feel better knowing that the Bride looked at the Groom with such love and ownership for me to feel at peace. So a toast: Upon reaching sand, may it turn to gold.

In about 3 days I will run hard and misserably into month six of my sexual drought. But I am far too upset over that to even get started.

Guess I am just saying HI. Wanna get laid. Don't see it happening. Sorry I didn't get to spend as much time with some of my friends from home as I would have liked.

and soon, night must fall.

So, here I am. I have nothing. I am nothing. I am hollowed by insight, intellect and emotional instability. Truth, bright, burning, unyeilding hath laid me low. I am nothing.

I am still not quite settled by my move into the land of Ice and Fear. I miss, far too much, my friends and associates and acquanitances back home. Yet, and yet. They do not seem to miss me.

At first, the realization that they were, for lack of a better term, avoiding my phone calls, refusing to respond to e-mail, or AIM for that matter, made me angry. Angrier than I have been at anyone in quite some time. Then it became a keening sorrow that hath filled many a page with poetic eloquence. Now, it is hollowed bone and bitter ashes. So be it. One of the things in grasping the death of my dreams, is that things change. One cannot be important to people for long. I have always known this. All things come to an end. So be it. I am too tired to care anymore.

I have my pack (mostly) and they shall have to suffice. May the Reckoning begin. I have nothing to lose.

Save my misery.

Never let it be said that I have neither the capacity nor the inclination to admit that I am wrong. This is woefully untrue. I am quite capable of eating crow, as it were, as long as too many people aren't aware of the feast. So, thank you Paedrig. Meeting you was indeed as entertaining as I had hoped/ Unfortunately, you have cut me to the quick. Mayhaps rejection is a dish I am too terrified to taste. Considering it may be too bitter, or simply hurtful. I am not sure. What I am sure of, however, is my nature to aknowledge a flaw within myself. And this, fear of rejection, nonsesnse, simply has to go.
Moving on, my Wizard and I were talking and decided that there are defiately some things about life that are bothersome. That being said, there are some changes we need to make, in each of us, that are essential for both of our mental and emotional well beings. Might even share them one day. However, for those friends of the Wizard I say "beware, for a dragon hath invaded his tower and whispers to him forbidden delights and unearthly yearnings." His preciously valued controls are all but gone. Now, if I could just find a muscle boy to throw at him to break him entirely. Oh well. . . .

Tah tah. ..

Quote of the Day {When something goes wrong, I'm teh first to admit it. The first to admit it, the last one to know. When something goes right, why, its likely to lose me. Its apt to confuse me, for its such an unnusual sight. I can't get used to something so right, something so right.}

Which Member of the Endless Are You?

The Dragon and me. Gods, we were meant to be. Pityhe needs to loosen up.!

The Indiana Jones Adventure: An excavation of an
exotic temple promises to reveal its mysteries
until something goes terribly wrong! You are a
wild jeep ride through a vengeful ancient
temple that has been treaded upon one to many
times. Your experiences read like an action
adventure flick (could it be that you are based
on one?) and your John Williams-esk score makes
you grandiouse, purposeful, and larger than
life. Fully immersive and completely themed,
you really do give your passengers a wild ride
and work hard for their sastifaction... in fact
each trip through your caverns of fire, snake
pits, lightening illuminated ruins, and dart
filled passages is just a little different.
You are chaotic, but to the point and somehow
you bring out the noble side in everyone, the
inner Indiana Jones in every soul, even if
Disneyland couldn't secure the rights to the
likeness of Harrison Ford. Beware the Eyes of
Mara indeed.


What Disneyland attraction are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am so horribly incredibly deliciously delightfully overwhemingly tinglingly hungeringly sadistically violently voraciously honry that I do not think I shall be able to hold it in check much longer. As my Wizard is fond of saying, "Finding friends is hard enough, finding a constant fuck is a nightmare." Sadly, I must concede that there is some truth in this statement. But I bloody well need something to feed upon. This state of affairs is unconscionable. I am neither ghastly nor ill formed, I am actually quite stunning in appearance. Majestic even and yet, by Jove, can't find sufficient prey for all the life of me. It is most frustrating. Oh well. Mayhaps this will change in the future. From what I hear, my Wizard is having some of his mates up soon. I do so hope one or more of them are as delectable as he makes them out to be. It is a fair trade, some of my mates are coming into visit as well, not that I want to bed any of them,I may want to one or more of his though. And vice versa. Hmmmmmm I wonder if we could arrange simultaneously. After all, my Wizard has an enormous bed and a loaded dungeon. Must go convince him this is the way things should go. He's such a fuddy duddy sometimes, nevertheless, I am certain that I stoke the flame of libedinous need within him. Just takes time.

Well, greetings and salivations and most honourablely happy birthing days to moi. Another year, another *gasp* wrinle. Not really. This is why the gods invented moisturisers. But enough of that, things are going quite well, and I am quite thrilled to have someone to go out with. My new pal, well, Draco_Nobilis and I are going out on the town to spray-paint it vermillion. We do have the same birthday and all, and it'll be fun to hang out with a gay guy again. Or should be, besides, he's bringing other people along. Just hope I get along with them.

Odd meeting someone with whom I can share so much of who and what I am with, however. He gives me grief, to be sure, however, it is not judgemental and parochial. Which is good. I'd have to feed him to the fat guy in Koffee if he were. In any event, it'll be our first time going out around other people together. Well, getting coffee and grabbing dinner don't count. And hanging oround with his roommates shouldn't count either, I don't suppose. Nevertheless, it should be fun. Bring on the VODKA and the muscle boys.

Anyone else out there ever wonder if the things you feel, deeply, inside (and no, I don't mean a cock or dildo) should ever be spoken aloud or written? Shouod we ever truly tell other humans how we feel about them? Or does it just confuse the issue and cause that most dreaded of circumstances: drama? Or, should we leave such thoughts, feeling and ideas closely guarded and locked away and just hope that the other person does understand and feels the same? Seriously, though, it seems to me that if that were the case, wouldn't we want to be told? Or would we rather not and just remain behind the barrier of not knowing is better than rejection?

I think, that the actual rejection is better than the long pondering of what could have beens. This is new to me, so I am not sure. But I think that it is better if you do tell them, so that they at least know. For me, knowledge is more important than feelings. So I would prefer to know that I have at least shared how I feel. that way, there are no shocks on the horizon. I also think I would feel better having actually gotten it off of my chest, for good or for ill. I mean, if I already dread the rejection and feel the hurt, why not just go through with it? Especially in cases where you feel you have wronged someone. I mean, they already know you've wronged them, so why not just tell them and give them some otions.

Or am I just a fucking chowder head?

These, emotions, and dealing with them. So new, so alien. One day I just may figure them out. But I must say that not carrying one more burden on my soul is worth almost any price. I think I just prefer to pay as I go, instead of waiting for a credit/debt tally at the end.

1. Age/sexual preference.. .30\often
2. Have you ever had sex? Most definately
3. How often would you say you have sex? Not nearly as often as I would like
4. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 17
5. How often do you masturbate? It sorta ebbs and crests. Sometimes 7 or more times a day, everyday, other times, once every 3 months.
6. Do you masturbate picturing a person..or just an act? All of the above. And Below.
7. Do you have sex dreams? Are you kidding? I’ve had sex dreams the likes of which inccubi/succubi dream of having
8. How often do you have sex dreams? About once a month, sometimes more.
9. Is it a stranger.. or someone you know that you have sex with in your dreams? Depends. Most times it’s the people I have in a special room that I keep in my head, only one new one added in 7 years (he stuck in on his own I think) and others, it’s a montage. Not really important. Usually there are so many people that I don’t bother to keep count.
10. Have you ever wanted to have sex with a stranger? All the time.
11. Have you ever been cummed on? More often than I would like to talk about.
12. Have you ever asked to be cummed on? What is this, some trick question. Sigh. If it was what he wanted/needed to hear, then yes.
13. Have you ever licked cum off of someone? Sweet mother of Jefferson Davis. Are you trying to embarrass me to death? To the best of my memory, no. Not a definate, just no memories of such.
14. Are you dominant or submissive? I am dominant, sadly. I try to keep it under wraps though. No need letting it get in the way. Only really comes out when people I’m with want/need it.
15. Do you like to be spanked? Circumstances circumstances.
16. Do you like to be smacked? No.
17. In the face? Why not, I’ve always enjoyed the splash of other people’s blood in a spray over my floor.
18. Do you like to be tied down or cuffed? I can, but do not like it. Become violent.
19. Do you like anal sex? What part of gay male top did you miss? I Love anal, I Live for anal. The Gods created assess so that I could fuck them and give extreme pleasure to the world. This is my greater destiny I am sure.
20. How often would you say you have anal sex? No longer any memory.
21. Do you think its better than sex? Oral? Oh, dear gods, you mean with a woman? Or do you mean face-fucking. Cause that’s fun too if partners are into it. but women :shudder:: its been so long since I’ve touched one, I couldn’t rightly say.
22. What do you think is a good size penis? Who cares? How much ass are we talking about here? Rounded cassaba like ones? Meaty soccer boy buns? OOo well shaped small butts are great to. What can I say, I am an ass man. Penises, I love to lick, swallow, nibble and whatnot, but the size truly is of no consequence to me.
23. A good size breast? Well, a 42 inch chest is acceptable. But hey, I do love Lacross and rowers, so. . .I’ve never seen pecs too big. Or too small.
24. Where's the weirdest place you have had sex? In a VW bug flying down back country roads at 2 in the morning.
25. Have you ever had sex in front of people? Do other people having sex count?
26. Have you ever had sex with someone else in the room sleeping? Of course not, I always wake them up to see if they want to play. How rude.
27. Have you ever had a threesome? Indeed.
28. foursome? Not recently.
29. more some? Not in years. 7 or so to be exact.
30. Have you ever wanted to? More than I want air.
31. Have you ever kissed someone of your same sex? Yup! Hello, queer man here.
32. Did you like it? So so. …its far too intimate and I either end up trying not to frighten them with my passion, or I feel them freeze up and know that its not what they want. but when it works, when I don’t have to hold back (yes, you know who you are, pet)woooza.
33. Ever have oral sex with someone of the same sex? Not today. LOL. Of course silly.
34. Ever use a vibrator? On me? Once, by accident. Long story. On others, often.
35. Ever went near the ass during masturbation? Not since the accident.
36. Ever have someone finger your ass? Once, and with some nice corrective surgury, everything was great.
37. Eat it? YES and WOW is GOD good.
38. ever finger someones ass? As a matter of pride, yes.
39. ever eat someones ass? Don’t believe there’s a part of the human body that cannot be licked, sucked, nippled, prodded, chased or smoothed with the mouth and toungue. If that’s gross in your world, I feel truly sorry for your sex lives.
40. ever pee on someone/or let someone pee on you? Oh good heavens no.
41. Do you like the taste of cum? Not particularly. Depends on whether or not he’s been eating bannas and peaches or not.
42. Ever have someone cum in your ass/or cum in someones ass? No/YES
43. Ever tasted your own cum? Yep. And now I eat more banannas and peaches.
44. Ever have someone lick your feet? Yep.
45. Ever lick someone elses feet? Above statement still holds true.
46. Do you enjoy sensual massages? Yessssssssssssss
47. Ever use anything for masturbation that wasnt made to do that? what was it? Hmmm watermelon, squeezy stress balls, water balloons.
48. Whens the last time you had sex? Last week. I think.
49. How often do you watch porn on the net? Almost whenever I’m on.
50. look through porno mags? Regularly
51. Have porn tapes? More than most video-shops,
52. dvds? Nope. Not used to the flow of them yet.
53. Ever been in porn? Define in?
54. Ever been on a website naked? The grammer of that one is off, however, not to my knowledge.
55. Ever made your own porn? Again, bad grammer. I have filmed and directed porn, never been a role in the porn.
56. Whats the most people you had sex with in one day? Oh Jaysus Joseph and Mary. Chocolate party in 96/97 gonna say 3, the party went for a long time and I was REALLY drunk and well, other sundry details.
57. Do you think your just a little slutty? Nope. I just think I have a perfectly normal healthy sexual appetite that I just haven’t been able to satiate, that’s all.
58. Do the people who know you think your just a little slutt? Prolly not. But I’ll ask. SOO
#59. Do you think that I am slutty? if so, please give me your reasons for thinking so.

So, if you have any new question, please add them in.

QoD::
"Give yourself over, to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure. And sensual daydreams you'll treasure, forever."